People are stupid

This seriously peeves me off.

I received an email, stating that in Colorado, where a new Planned
Parenthood clinic is being built, not only are protesters protesting
at the build site, they are protesting at the construction workers and
contractors homes. Over the holidays. It's just plain wrong.

And seriously. Not all Planned Parenthood clinics even provide abortions.

And the clinics that do provide abortions, well they prevent them as
well, by giving other family planning alternatives to people that
don't have them.

If people have a problem with birth control, they need to be
protesting at every OB/GYN, every pharmacy, every family practice
clinic... Because they all provide birth control as well, but then I
guess these people believe those with health insurance have a right to
prevent pregnancy but those without do not. No, they don't think that
far into it. They just get all excited about this one place, and
protest it, regardless of whether or not it even represents what
they're protesting. It's lovely how the poor and underprivileged get
to be everyone's scapegoat.

It just sickens me that they are harassing the people that are just
trying to put food on the table, and doing it in the name of free
speech.

Tristan loves Dad

I apparently posted this on Twitter, but not here.

Anyway, a few days ago, as I was getting Tristan ready for school, he
must have heard his dad talking, and realized he was up.

Because he entered our bedroom, and upon seeing his father in bed,
instead of turning around, knowing not to wake him up, as he usually
does, he looked right at him and said "Dad."

I alerted Neal to this (it was so quick, that if you weren't paying
attention, you might not have realized what he said).

Neal opened his eyes and talked to him a bit, and told him he loved
him. Tristan made direct eye contact with him (to note Tristan will
seek out eye contact on his own terms - so this isn't as major as for
a child who doesn't make eye contact) while Neal spoke with him, and
when Neal was done, He jumped up and down, smiling.

This was something that made Tristan very happy, but also made Neal
very happy as our kids are very much Momma's kids, and if I'm home
will usually seek out affection from me, rather than Dad.

Thinking I like Autism Today

Autism Today - http://www.autismtoday.com

From an email advertising their Biennial Conference:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Stephen Shore Steven Shore and Karen
Simmons, Founder of Autism Today

Success with Autism: Using our Strengths for Achieving a
Fulfilling and Productive Life Through Transition into Adulthood -
Just like Everyone Else

Considering autism as an expression of the diversity of the human
gene pool rather than a life limiting disorder, let's look at how
people with this condition are able to build fulfilling and productive
lives.

Drawing from his own experiences as well as others on the autism
spectrum, practical solutions in the areas of continuing education,
residential options, relationships, meaningful employment,
self-advocacy, and appropriate disclosure shall be explored for
maximizing the potential of people both on and off the autism
spectrum.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It seems like this is a site the marries the neurodiversity camp with
the curebie camp, which is something that really needs to be done. I
see a lot of what I view as 'quackery' there, but I also see a lot of
good stuff. More research into the causes can create better treatment,
more research into treatments can create better treatment, so working
together seems to be what would be best for individuals with autism.
Unfortunately the loudest voices don't seem interested. Of course, it
would help if people would just swallow the fact that there is, at
least for some, a genetic link, even if it is a genetic link that
would make one more susceptible to environmental causes... (in
Tristan's case, we're figuring its genetics - we have enough various
issues in our families, and not enough exposure to environmental
causes, that we'd be delusional to think otherwise)

Bunnies, Bunnies, too many Bunnies!

K. so there was like Tuesday night drama. Felt like the craps. Spent
most of the evening over the neighbor's with the kids. very relaxing
place to be. they're nice people. Well, before all the drama, I took
the kids to get bunny food and cat litter. At the pet store (which we
know only purchases from reputable breeders in our area - esp since
one of my coworkers got a bunny from the breeder) there was this one
lonely little black bunny. Such a sweet little thing it was. Lola was
gushing over it and saying how she'd name it Bianca if it was a girl
(I forget the boys name if it was a boy). This was around 4, after I'd
gotten her from school. I had the other two munchkins and no time or
energy for looking at bunnies. felt bad because Lola loved her so
much. but then Lola loves a lot of little furry animals. names kittens
in stores quite frequently. etc etc. and we already have 3. But then,
on Wed, after drama, my head wasn't necessarily on straight. and I was
thinking well, I'll go do some grocery shopping first, and if that
single bunny is still there after I get to the pet store, maybe I'll
get her, if she likes being held.

So ya, the rabbit was there, tiny thing, and she loved being held. I
held her throughout the whole store, and she didn't squirm until I got
to the checkout counter and needed to use my hands. (plus I was
informed of a rabbit food sold in bulk that was better than the brand
I bought and also cheaper to boot. yay.)

So, I evicted existing male bunnies to Tristan's Room, with Baby Gate
in the door (Tristan can climb over the thing, easy). The cage really
was too small for 3 bunnies anyway, even though its a large birdcage.
the 2 biggest bunnies are full sized lops. (on the plus side, the
bunnies seem more personable in Tristan's room rather than being given
the run of the house or staying in the cage. They seem to love
observing us as we walk by and they also seem very interested in
Tristan. Sometimes they also jump up on his bed to observe us if we
sit on it. We give them the run of the house and the albino dwarf eats
all our wires. The husband is convinced the other bunnies do bad
things, too, but I've never caught them, and wires didn't get eaten
until we got the dwarf.)

I cleaned out the cage and made it ready for Bianca (got her a little
hidy hole thing of her own, too, which she seems to like). and put it
in Lola's room. Lola loves this. and was thrilled when I picked her up
and told her the bunny cage was in her room, and that Bianca was in
it. Told her to consider it an early Christmas gift.

Plus to this arrangement. quick daily cleanup of Tristan's room is
easier than weekly cleanup of rabbit cage w/ 3 bunnies. Rabbit cage w/
one tiny bunny hugely easier to clean up. might even make the Lola do
it. It's her bunny, after all... (she does feed them, unless we're in
a hurry, then I do it)

Husband walked in there multiple times without saying anything. After
I acknowledged the bunny's existence, he says he was trying to ignore
it... (I had purchased bunny and cleaned cage and moved it before he
got out of bed + I think he's glad the cage is no longer in the dining
room, anyway)

anyway, so now I've a household with 3 kids, 4 bunnies and 2 kittens.
Me = Crazy.

Lily is 2

hmmm.... Maybe I should post around birthdays. a lot of parent
bloggers do that...

anyway, Lily recently turned 2.

Like all children are (or should be) to their parents, she is amazing.
still absolutely spoiled (prone to crying when she doesn't get her way
- I hear this is normal - Lola didn't do this until she was 3 and a
half or 4. Tristan only does it because he has trouble communicating
when he's got to the point that he's so frustrated, not just because
he's been told 'no')
Her language skills are exploding! She's recently learned 'don't want
it.' of course, if we offer it to Tristan instead, "no Diego!" then
she wants it (though sometime she still gives it to him).

She did something cute yesterday that I wanted to blog, but I don't
remember it.

But watching Sesame street with her @ grandpa & Nana's before I went
to work was fun. I got a few toys out of the toybox there and she
played with a few of them, and then put them away when she was done.
makes me so proud.

Planning a dual birthday party for them this weekend. around 5 or 6ish
Sunday. Tristan's bday is also near, and this works out better.

On Groups of Women

I posted recently on my opinion of articles regarding the way groups
of women are.

For a long time, I tended to be more comfortable around men. but then
I realized, many men do the same things women do, and I went on a rant
about my friends from highschool, and how they ostracize my husband
(not really to his face, just to me, but then, like that hurts,
because I love him, and some of their opinions are greatly
exaggerated)

I'd like to take the time now to mention groups of women I've been
exposed to, who don't do what the articles accuse women of doing.

First, I meet monthly with some other moms with children with autism.
Now, if you don't already know, both the topics of autism and child
rearing have the potential to breed much animosity. The moms I meet
with all have different parenting philosophies and different views on
autism. There are enough with similar views, that they could make the
people that don't agree with them uncomfortable. Examples -
breastfeeding - I complained about having difficulty weening the
youngest, when my oldest two weened on their own (we don't only talk
about our autistic kids, btw). Some moms mentioned breastfeeding not
working for them. some mentioned 'they were done' when this or that
happened. And one reassured me that neither of her kids weened until
they were over the age of 3 (she also mentioned trying for 2 months to
successfully breastfeed her son, after he was born. I was in awe). Not
one of us was made to feel bad for our differing views. The same with
biomedical treatments. That's another controversial topic among
parents with children with autism. However, we are able to discuss our
approval or disapproval of their use, without making another parent
feel bad for using them or not using them. Its a very healthy meeting,
and I look forward to it each month, as it is an evening where I can
just relax, and let go. It doesn't matter if I'm late, or how I dress.
We all know we need support, and a break, and we get it.

Another group of women I've been exposed to would be parents from my
daughter's school. The fathers are fairly active in their daughter's
lives, so often this group is co-ed, but often it is all women, as
well. Especially at girl scout meetings, which are every other week.
My daughter goes to a school in a wealthy district that has a bit of a
reputation, outside the district, for being snobs. The school is a
public school, and is a Montessori school, so every child that is
there is there because his or her parent chose for them to be there.
So in some ways, it is very much like a private school. Many of the
parents are the stereotypical 'supermoms'. The work, they look great,
and they are active in their children's lives and in their school
activities. They volunteer. And often they take classes on top of
that. These are definitely the kind of people I wish I could be like.
Definitely the kind of people that I could be uncomfortable around.
Now maybe part of it is that the Montessori philosophy seems to
promote acceptance of differences, and these are people that chose to
put their kids in this school, but I visited another, private,
Montessori in the area and definitely did not get a welcoming feeling
from it. Anyway, these people are always nice to me. They always make
me feel welcome. If they think my daughter's hair should be brushed a
bit better, or I shouldn't always be late, or have a negative opinion
on any of the other really good reasons they'd have to look down on
me, I wouldn't know it. They love working with my daughter, who is
very odd, and prone to temper tantrums if she gets stuck on something
or doesn't understand something and who is extremely intelligent so
its sometimes difficult to tell exactly what it is she doesn't
understand, because she's made whatever it is so much more complicated
than it really is, who can find a logical sounding argument to
anything. She's a girl that potentially could be excluded for being
difficult to handle (and has been, in some situations outside of her
school). And they love her. They work with her challenges, and help
her find the positive in her issues. Even when she has differences
with the girls at school, it's always something that isn't putting her
down. It's not something that I feel she is hurt by, but that she can
learn from. I think the children at her school are very much a
reflection of the education they receive, and of their own parents.

There are also Tristan's teachers and aids. This is a group of women
who are charged with teaching a very difficult child. Granted, they
deal with far more difficult children on a regular basis, but that
doesn't make Tristan any less difficult. They are far more educated on
autism than I could ever wish to be. I've heard of parent/teacher,
parent/school relationships where they are always at odds, especially
when the child has autism. I've yet to experience one (the bus
service, now that's another story, but then that's a good chunk
because I was spoiled by previous bus services). These people are very
encouraging, provide tips and request feedback. They do more with
Tristan than I could dream of doing on my own. I know some of what
they do, and its great. I really need to get dad in the classroom to
observe their methods though. He's the one that's at home, plus
Tristan is a momma's boy, so I'd be a distraction if I observed.

I'm sure you could find the same good qualities in groups of men. But,
then you don't normally find articles such as the ones I linked to
before, written by men and attacking the whole gender because of the
actions of a few groups of men.

So as a woman, if you feel you can't stand women, can't support them,
etc, etc, you just need to find another group of women. Maybe a group
that's less homogeneous, so differences aren't as much of an issue.

Women, Feminism, & Men

This was linked to me:
http://girlsgonechild.blogspot.com/2007/12/hop-on-pop-culture-article-of-week.html
The NYTimes article it refers to is worth a read.

I've never had a situation as damaging as the one in the NY Times article.
I have felt uncomfortable around other women.
but not all groups of women, like these women have.
I've also felt just as uncomfortable around groups of men.

See, in highschool, I swore off girls, because my experience was they
were backstabbers, and didn't say what they meant, and hung around
guys. My issues w/ women/girls were in middle school, and I dealt w/ it by deciding I didn't give a fuck, and when they started asking why I did this or that, I looked at them, point blank and said, because I want to.

and my friends in highschool, to help, told me what this person or that person said about me, and maybe I might want to dress differently, and I looked at them and I said, well they didn't say it to my face, so its not like it hurts me. But then, I was a Smart Kid. I had the teachers that validated me, so I didn't need my peers to.Didn't hang out with girls much until I got introduced to some by my guy friends, and found a few other good friends in a few of my
classes. The girl that has probably been the best friend to me, I
didn't actually talk to much in highschool. We started talking in
college. And its a few of the girls from those groups of friends who ended up being the real friends.

But from having those close guy relationships I know one thing for sure.

Guys, for all their bluntness, DO THE SAME DAMN THING.

See, my hubby happens to be the black sheep of those guy friends. and
its 'unfortunate' that I'm his wife, and have to deal with him. and
I'm probably a nutter/sucker looking for punishment for staying with
him. and I hear what they think of him, because they were my friends,
and they were my confidants, and so they ended up hearing some of the
stuff that probably gives them a good reason to be a little peeved at
him. But you know what. They are just as self righteous, backstabbing,
etc, etc, etc as a group of women. I see the same thing in the group
of men my husband hangs around with now, only they don't confide in
me, because I would be, of course, the ball and chain. I don't see
my old group of guy friends much anymore - I just wasn't allowing them to
help us - and my husband just got too bad (I think some of the stuff
they attribute to him should be attributed to one of his friends, who
happened not to be one of their friends at least putting two and two together, that's what I get out of it, because I'm lucky enough to see both sides), and well they couldn't work
around my kid or deal with the fact that I wanted to spend time with
the kid (the kid thing, that's how I see it), plus they exaggerate my
husbands issues - if he was that bad, he wouldn't still be married to
me, and being that I spend every day with him, I think I'd notice, if
he was (because its not like he gets out that much anymore) and if he'd really gotten that bad, he wouldn't just be able to snap his fingers and like get over it. He's not someone who gets over things very easily.

And you know what,
they do the same thing to each other. Its not just him, he's just the one they all agree they're better than. they also seem to think they're better than each other. And if one of them reads this, it might piss them off, and that would be sad, but then it wouldn't be a great huge loss as its not like they ever seek me out anyway.

As great friends as they were, in other ways, they weren't so great
friends - as the author in the aforementioned article mentions - its
so much easier to console a friend than to congratulate one. Yep, guys
do it, too. It's not a feminist issue. Guys just don't have to get
over that to be in power, because they already are. Guys also say
enough of what they think without societal repercussion that they
don't really need to worry about what other guys think. They do, and
they don't. That, that there's a feminist issue.

And I'm tired of hearing the whole supporting Hillary being a feminist
issue. I don't have to support her because I'm a woman. And frankly
the fact that she didn't research autism or pay someone to do it
before talking about curing it, and supporting the group that has the
most freaking money doesn't make me like her any more than I did. She,
just like all the other politicians, is touting autism because its
popular. so. she's no better than the men in that regard.

Yes I agree, she's put down for stuff that she wouldn't be if she was
a man. But that doesn't mean I have to support her, because I'm a
woman, and I think that's wrong. See I look at the issues, and well, I
don't really sit all that well with hers as well as I do John Edwards,
or Barack Obama. Of course, I guess I'll have to vote for her in my
primary because the other two pulled out of it. but that's another
rant, for another day.

Yes, women need to get over all their henpecking. You know what they
also need to do? they need to realize that goofy, absentminded women
(as many of us are) have brains. We have good ideas. And frankly we're
tired of men taking us more seriously than other women do. because to
be serious, you have to ACT LIKE A MAN but then you get put down for
ACTING LIKE A MAN and well its a damn nasty catch 22 and I'd rather be
myself, even if it means I get nowhere, fast.

So women, seriously, we all need to get over ourselves. And we need to get over everyone else. and like stop giving a shit, and really give a shit at the same time. If that makes any sense to anyone. Most likely it won't, as half the shit I say doesn't. because I'm too damn goofy.

;)

My past week (minus the drama)

Wed -
go in for sore throat + still have neck pain from accident
find out I have sinus infection AND strep
go home, dh doesn't want to go in that day, bc he has to cut firewood
@ his dad's, with broken hand
failed attempt at cleaning house while hubby is away (I have Lily +
I'm sick + I get distracted to easy) I do get some work done
fail attempt to do more cleaning after hubby gets home
go to sleep at the unreasonably early hour of 10:30PM or so, shortly
after going to Meijer at almost 9PM bc hubby forgot to fill script

Thurs
Wake up at 3:30 AM, don't really start falling back to sleep until
6AM, when I really can't let myself fall asleep bc I need to get ready
Actually get up and get ready at 7AM, Tristan bus, drop Lola @ school,
dh at dad's, lily at daycare for free emergency day
Get to work a half hour late, still feel like crap, boss sends me home
around lunchtime (I guess I looked as bad as I felt)
get dh from dad's get some kid free nap time until I gotta get kid off
bus and other kids from school/daycare
Lily did wonderfully at daycare, kept up with the 2+ year olds (she's
almost 2 so they put her with 2 yr olds), went to nap on her own, was
dry after nap, and used the toilet, did play with the sink a lot (she
takes a bit after older brother) so they had to change her shirt
Everyone goes to bed early, cos no one's had enough sleep

Fri
Get up get kids to school - tristan misses bus so I drive him in come
Get Dad/Lily to appt to confirm strep - Lily is absolutely adorable at
drs office, makes me feel a little better
Still feel like crap, so I call in
take a short nap, get woken up by FIL bringing truck load of firewood,
pretend to still be asleep until Lily wakes up
Get older kids' dr to call in preemptive antibiotics (cause lola
claims to feel well, but she'd go to school unless she couldn't get
out of bed, and I can't tell with Tristan - and since the rest of us
have strep - they either already have it or will have it - and because
I'm in no shape to drive to mason and wrestle w/ Tristan @ Dr office)
Go off to get family full of amoxicillin scripts & Dad to broken hand appt
Get Lola from Girlscouts
pretty much be a veggiebal for the rest of the evening, besides making
mac & cheese for dinner, decided to go to bed before 11, since the
whole point of calling in is because I wouldn't be able to make it
through the weekend if I worked until 10...

Sat
Work feel like crap when I leave
decide to try to go to sleep at 8:30 since I have to be to work at 6AM Sunday
don't actually get in bed until 11, 11:30
Lola wakes me up insisting on sleeping in my room an hour or so later
- I'm too tired to argue

Sun (okay, so I'm including a little of the drama)
Lola jumps in her sleep about 2:40 AM, wakes me up,
subsequently am kept up by dh playing loud music...
he wants to talk to me at about 3:30 AM, and since I need to be up for
work soon anyway.... (grrr)
veggiebal on couch w/ hubby at puter until I have to leave for work
work 6-2; coworker comments that I actually have some color in my face
(gee, apparently I did look as bad as I felt)
since he's had no sleep, dh is not up to watching little ones while I
take Lola to girlscout thing
scramble to get them all ready & out the door; Tristan & Lily manage
to cover themselves w/ yogurt in the process
Road condition = crap; visibility = crap; manage to only be 20 mins
late and they really haven't started anyway (wonders if they told
everybody 3:45 so they'd all be there by 4)
Gymnastics place is too far away to go home, plus I'm not about to
drive in the crappy road conditions.
Run to Wendy's
Realize I dropped my cc outside the car when I dropped Lola off
go back to parking place, find cc
back to wendy's
kids cover themselves with frosty's
back to gymnastics place
after a while, redress tristan (he managed to take his pants and shoes
off without unbuckling - remembering the number of times I've
redressed in the car, I told him he was his mother's son while smiling
at him - he looks totally perplexed by the fact that I wasn't
exasperated by him
with, what I think is about half an hour to 45 minutes left of Lola's
thing, unload kids and bring them in
For a while tristan is happy with the stroller
Then he's not
Get my exercise for the next two weeks chasing him around, with Lily
trying to keep up
after about half an hour or so, Lily decides she doesn't want to just
follow us around
while the thing is actually wrapping up, try chasing both Tristan &
Lily, enlist Lola's help (plus a few of the other mom's help where
they can)
End up strapping Lily in the stroller, as she's fighting and I've
discovered Tristan's quite happy helping me push stroller (have
tristan clamped btw my legs on the floor so he doesn't take off while
strapping lily in)
One of the moms comments on how my job must never end. I agree, and
comment that I've got all three bc I was working 6-2 earlier and the
dh needs a break.

I have to admit, that while I was exhausted, and totally wiped out,
and just wanted to go to sleep after that, everything else but my
lungs, throat and sinuses feels great from the exercise

way back is now dark, icy/wet, and low visibility, so I take Lansing
rd - waverly - 496, where nobody seems to have a problem with me going
45mph - get home quicker than taking 96 at 60, 65 mph, and no one
tailgates me until I'm off the highway - Lily - surprise, surprise,
falls asleep on the way (unfortunately she's not a kid who stays
asleep once you get her out of the car)

Neal wanted a "big Burrito" so I screw any thought of trying to cook
dinner and get everybody something at Qdoba's. Since me + kids already
had some Wendy's, figure 2 kid quesadillas + 4 tacos should be enough
for us, and dad gets his burrito.

Everybody actually manages to get to bed by 9:30 (I wanted to go to
bed at 7:30, actually).

Mon -
This morning - honestly the first time in a month I didn't wake up
with a horribly sore throat. My nose is still running like crazy and
the cold hurts my lungs though, and now that I've been up for a while
my throat hurts a teeny bit. But I feel a lot better.

Kid therapy

I've got strep, a sinus infection, and I've still got some pain from
the accident, especially in my neck.

Thursday, on antibiotics, I decided I felt good enough to go to work,
nearly falling asleep at my desk and my supervisor thinking I looked
fairly dazed, she sent me home. The hubby was at his dad's that day
and I'd put lily in our nifty emergency daycare that day so I took a
much appreciated kid free nap (usually naps include a latched on not
yet ready to ween Lily).

Still felt crappy Friday, plus Neal had a drs appt and my coworker,
who was going to watch the kids during the drs appt cause it was her
day off, had a sick kid as well, plus I was scheduled to work late,
and figured that whole deal would leave me feeling even crappier over
the weekend, when there isn't really anyone to cover for me if I was
sick, so I called in on Friday.

Took the hubby & baby to the dr in the morning, after getting
munchkins off to school (before I decided to call in, I did that after
the appt) - he has strep, and the baby wouldn't let us test, but they
figured if both of us do, she probably does too. Called the older
kids' dr in Mason, to see if they'd call in a preemptive antibiotic so
I wouldn't have to be wrestling with autistic almost 5 yr old in a drs
office while sick. They kindly did.

Got some much needed sleep (with the kid of course) until the father
in law stopped by and woke us up with a truckload of firewood because
there's supposed to be a winter storm this weekend.

Couldn't really get back to sleep after that. Ran to get Tristan and
antibiotics before taking dad to follow up appt for his broken hand
(don't ask) (Lola had girlscouts and didn't need to be picked up till
6). Thank Meijer for free antibiotics. Amoxicillin is cheaper than our
copay but 5 scripts can be pricey.

Anyway, as to my title, throughout the day, my kids were being
themselves, and watching them took the edge off my general feeling of
crappiness, especially the little Lily, who was with me all day, and
who is almost 2 and at that age where everything the kid does is
hilarious.

On an absolute score, I asked the drs office where they got the foam
puzzle winnie the pooh and princess toys that lily loves to death and
they said - Dollar Tree - total score, there was one right next to
Meijer - so I've got one of Lily's birthday presents taken care of -
for $2. AND I got a spider man version of the toy for her to play with
now. Tristan also likes the texture and stims on the pieces. Also
picked up a basting brush for Tristan while at Meijer - long, hard
handle + soft bristles = perfect stim toy for tristan. Meijer also has
corn brushes with handles for pretty cheap (when you buy them from OT
stores with handles they're fairly pricey - his school OT joked that
she was going to buy them out when I told her about them), which are
used for therapy that I keep forgetting the name of.